Snow Reads 'The kit of Fallen Leaves and Hollyleaf'
by Snowcrystal of Thunderclan
Summary: Hello! Silverflash of ThunderClan asked me to do a commentary on her story so here we are! Updates will be whenever Silverflash gets me her chapters and I have time! Ratings and Gene reasoning are because that's what she has for hers. Check her out! {Discontinued}
1. Prolouge

**Hey guys! Silverflash of Thunderclan (A fellow Thunderclaner! XP ) asked me to do a commentary of her story 'The Kit of Fallen Leaves and Hollyleaf' and I decided to do it. ^.^ The words underlined are from me. :D Now let's get to it!**

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 _ **I know there are a lot of Hollyleaf and her second chance stories, (And I love them soooo much! :) ) so this one focuses on her kit with Fallen Leaves in Starclan. Please review some names and fur colors, and eye colors. (I'm to late for this. *cries*) I will choose the gender. So please review, as I can't continue. The winner will be specially regconized, and their reviews will have a whole lot of power in the story. Waiting for your reviews! (I reviewed! I promise!) And Guess That Warrior (I love these. :3 )**_

 _Guess That Warrior_

 _I was lost, then found_

 _by the Cloud_

 _I was attacked,_

 _and saved by the Cloud_

 _I had his kit, the Wing White_

 _Who had the Dove and Ivy_

 _Who am I?_

(It's Brightheart!)


	2. In Starclan

**Featherfrost of Stormclan and Flower (Guest): I don't need the appearances. Silverflash needed them when she started her story. :) Good ideas though...**

 **Spirited Silver (Guest): *Smacks forehead* I feel so stupid. Anyway... I am taking a pause on Warriors High. I am probably going to reboot it later. Sorry. ^.^**

 **Anya5544 (Guest): I promice to be totally honest. Promice. No offence to anyone at all.**

 **And I think Silverflash wanted to get reviewer feedback. It's actually quite smart, in my opinion.**

 **On with the commentary!**

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 _ **Good job Silverstar, you guessed right! It was Brightheart. (It was pretty obvious.) And I finally got some reviews for the kit's name and fur color. I've decided, and you'll see in this chapter :) The chappy now! (Yeah!)**_

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 _Prologue - In StarClan_

The forest glittered in the starry night. The moon shined on cats, walking with frost and stars glittering in their fur. **Maybe not use glittering/glittered twice. Maybe 'and stars SPARKLED on their fur or something. ** They were walking in a hollow. Suddenly, a yowl broke the silent air. A white tom with ginger splashes dashed out from a hollow tree. "Hollyleaf's kits are coming!" he yelled, his green eyes filled with worry. A gray she cat with a twisted leg and blue eyes,around a bundle of leaves and a stick, said,"It's okay Fallen Leaves. I'm coming." Fallen Leaves nodded, and followed her in. There, in the den, a black she-cat thrashed, her green eyes crazy. **Maybe have a better word then 'crazy'. Maybe 'her emerald eyes flashes with pain' or something.** The stars that glittered in her fur where dim. Fallen Leaves said,"Cinderpelt, will she be okay? No kit was ever born in StarClan." **I doubt that.** Cinderpelt said,'I'll try and save these kits." Cinderpelt crouched by Hollyleaf, and meowed soothly, "You're doing great Hollyleaf. Bite on this stick when you feel a kit coming." Hollyleaf immediatly chomped on the stick. A kit slid out. Grief filled the green eyes of Fallen Leaves, and the blue eyes of Cinderpelt. **Don't put the comma before 'and'. ** This kit was stillborn. Fallen Leaves said,"I'll bury it. But I'll wait until the rest are born, so we can name it. " **Why is he calling his kit a 'it'?**

Cinderpelt was going to respond, but another kit slid out. It caused Hollyleaf to bite the stick into splinters. This one was living, but breathing weakly. Cinderpelt quickly said,"Fallen Leaves, start licking its fur the wrong way." He did as he was told. Then Hollyleaf relaxed. There was no more kits coming. With tired, green eyes, Hollyleaf asked,"Where are my kits?" **Shouldn't you place them by her stomach as soon as the sac is nipped?** Fallen Leaves lifted his head from licking the kit, as it was breathing strongly now. He said solemnly,"One is dead." Hollyleaf yowled her grief to the stars. **Wouldn't she pause with her face looking shocked as she processed what he said.** Fallen Leaves licked her ears, then quickly added,"One is still living. A she-kit." The grief in Hollyleaf's eyes lessened, then she said,"Then bring her to me." The kit started mewling, and crawled over with closed eyes. The kit started to suckle. Hollyleaf purred. **Hm... maybe use 'Hollyleaf purred weakly, her eyes a bit brighter but still full of grief' or something.** The kit was a ginger tabby with a white chest, paws, and tip of tail. The still-born kit was a black tom with ginger splashes. Hollyleaf put her fluffy tail over him, and said,"I'll name him Blazekit. For my brother Lionblaze." The proud mother moved on to her living kit. **Maybe 'new' mother. If both of her kits lived, then it would look better for it to be 'proud'. I still like 'new' anyways.**

She looked up at Fallen Leaves. "You name her." she said. He thought for a moment. He finally meowed," She should be named Sweetkit, because she was sweet after the grief of the death of Blazekit." He added,"If Blazekit died in StarClan, wouldn't that mean, he would fade?" **NO! *Cries*** Cinderpelt bowed her head, and said,"I'm afraid that's the truth." **Bowed? I suggest using 'dipped'.** Hollyleaf said,"At lest ***least; Maybe check your spelling? But you're a lot better then... yeah.** he has a name." Cinderpelt meowed,"That's true. Also, eat these borage leaves." Hollyleaf licked up the leaves, then gazed at Sweetkit with pride. Cinderpelt purred,"I'll bury Blazekit. You two, spend some time with your kit." After Cinderpelt left, Blazekit's body dangling from her jaws, a giant orange tabby with big white paws walked in.

Fallen Leaves said with suprise," What are you doing here Thunderstar?" Thunderstar responded,"You can't keep the kit. It needs to got to ThunderClan." **Why?** Fallen leaves snapped,"Well, you can't have her." Hollyleaf laid **Rested ** her tail on his shoulders. "Do as he says. We'll see Sweetkit again." Fallen Leaves looked uncertain, but he said reluctantly,"At least give her to Dovewing. Her kits were born around the same time as Sweetkit. And they all just died. **Poor Dovewing!** She needs someone to take care of." Thunderstar replied,"That could be arranged." He picked up Sweetkit gently by her scruff, and carried her from the tree.

He followed a pathway of stars, to the forest below, and into a stone hollow. Cats were gathered in the center, grieving for the dead kits of Dovewing. He landed on the High ledge. The cats looked up in suprise. A brown tabby with amber eyes stepped forward and said,"What brings you here Thunderstar." The cats were gathering behind the brown tabby. Thunderstar said,"This is the kit of Hollyleaf, and Fallen Leaves, born in StarClan. Her name is Sweetkit, and we need Dovewing to take care of her, and to be raised as a ThunderClan cat. But never tell her who her parents are Bramblestar." The cats behind Bramblestar muttered. A light gray she cat said,"I'll care for her, as StarClan has chosen me." **Why not have them place her in the forest, have a patrol find her, and have Dovewing offer to take care of her? Then it could be a mystery to the cats to who the kit belongs to.**

Thunderstar nodded, then leaped down. He handed the kit to the gray queen, who was Dovewing. The queen padded into the nursery. Then Thunderstar leaped into the sky, climbing the heavens. When he was back in StarClan, he was shocked. A prophecy was coming. **You should have sent it to a LIVING med cat or leader or something.** This is what it said.

 _Sweet is the kit, daughter of the Fallen and Holly_

 _It may be strong, but even the widest lake can drown it._

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 ** _How'd you like it? And this is a Guess That Warrior!_**

 _Guess that Warrior_

 _I had the kits of the Dust,_

 _Only one survived_

 _To father the Dove and Ivy,_

 _One born to save the Clans_

 _Who am I?_

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 **I know what it is! Ah!**


End file.
